Da Big Sign Caper

In August of 2003 Smoky Mountain Woodworks and Landrum Machine & Cutlery (i.e.: Marie and I and our friends Len & Varena) started Treasures of Appalachia, Inc.. The purpose of this was to help local artists find buyers for their work. Naturally “local artists” included us. The problem is that most of the many, many artists who live and work in this county live and work in places that are tucked away up in the mountains, far from the major thoroughfares; difficult to get to even if you know where you are going. And if you are a visitor to our county, pretty near impossible to find.

So we wanted to open a gallery where locals couple display their work and travelers could find it easily. This effort has had a varied amount of success. Overall, we think we’ve been blessed considering the extremely limited amount of resources we have to work with.

In August of this year (2007) we moved the gallery in which over 50 local artists were displaying their work to a larger and in many ways superior location. One of the tasks that needed accomplishing was to move the big road-side sign and put it up at the new location. We had to leave the framework because it was cemented into the ground, but we took the sign boards to be re-erected at the new gallery. We did that last Tuesday.

To build this sign, Len and I cut all the parts and assembled them on the ground to make sure everything will fit, then disassembled it, carted the pieces up a pair of extension ladders and reassembled them aloft.

Don’t let that fool you though, the components were plenty heavy and it was enough of a strain doing it this way. There was no possible way we could have gotten it up there fully assembled without a crane. Most of the frame is made from pressure treated 2x12s with a 2x6 for the top rail. If you’ve never worked with pressure treated lumber fresh from the lumber yard, let me tell you; it’s quite wet and much heavier than dry lumber the same size. The side pieces are actually 8 feet long, but extend down between the sign boards of the lower sign 4’ to help stabilize the sign so the wind won’t topple it over. Lag bolts will hold only so much, you know. The lower sign is 8’ x16’, our sign is 4’ x 12’ and the point where the two join is 13’ up in the air.

During this reassembly I was using a drill as a power screwdriver. Once, while holding the driver with my left hand and hanging on with my right hand because the direction of the screw and position of the ladder demanded that I work left handed, I was having to apply considerable pressure to keep the driver bit seated in the head of the 3” long screw. The driver bit slipped off the screw and augured into my right hand. The result was a rather deep puncture wound in the fleshy muscle bit between the index finger and thumb of my right hand. It bled like a stuck pig and looked awful as blood ran down my arm. Stung a bit too. Luckily it started to rain and that washed some of the blood away.

The wound is healing nicely now, no signs of infection or permanent disability. It’s tender though.

Last night I was sitting at the computer, engrossed in editing an instructions file for Treasures shopkeepers, when the puncture gave me a sharp, stinging pain. Surprised by the sudden pain I glanced over at the hand. The wound is scabbed over, with a dark spot in the middle and little “puckers” running out from the middle. Well, to my distracted mind it looked for all the world like a spider.

My distracted Brain said, “Ahhh, there is a spider on Right Hand and it’s biting us!” So the parts of my body sprang immediately into action and Left Hand reached over and smacked Right Hand to kill the “spider” and thus rescue his counterpart from further injury.

This was followed by an instant of mental chaos followed by several nano-seconds of creeping clarity as nerve impulses arrived from Right Hand to Brain: GASP --- “AHHHHHHHHHHHH… that HURT!” Left Hand immediately apologized to Right Hand and Brain crawled off to his corner and hid.

I don’t think We’ll be making THAT mistake again for a while!

If you ever find yourself near Cosby TN (which is quite close to Gatlinburg TN, a very popular vacation destination) stop in and say "hey". Maybe even take home some authentic, locally made, hand crafted artwork for your home.